Saturday, June 25, 2011

Lack of inspiration

I haven't written in a while.  Reflecting on why not I answered lack of time, too busy, new life etc. but looking deeper I realize I have a void of inspiration lately.  I recently crossed the stage and left my college life far behind me with a blink of an eye.  I moved to my favorite city of all time Washington DC where I wanted to start a new life of my own.  With my car loaded with all my clothes, books and personal belongings, I left (mostly) everything behind in my home of Florida.

Since being here I have experienced so many ups and downs.  I've let myself start obsessing again over toxic things that I know really don't have any power.  I've been comparing myself to others, with dialogues that drive me insane, "she's thinner, she has better arms, cuter style", I've been judging myself and my food choices, "don't pick that it's too fattening".  These constant dialogues may sound "normal" and you may think everyone has thoughts like this so it's okay.  Imagine a life without these inner-dialogues though. Imagine a judgement free life - a true one.  Where nobody is better or worse.  Imagine how freeing that would feel.

So where do I think this sudden judgement and thoughts are coming from?  Why I am suddenly choosing to connect with the world through such toxic means?  I believe that through the excitement and stress of getting to DC, finding a new job, moving in with my boyfriend and starting this new grand life I've lost connection with myself and the ability to be at home with myself.  I haven't given myself credit for the things that I've been able to accomplish, I haven't given myself compassion for the times that I have been rough and I haven't spent time with myself doing things for just me, with nobody else in mind.

I am tired of these thoughts, these judgements, this lack of passion in my life.  I want to promise myself to try and find that source of inspiration in my new life that kept me going in Florida.  I know I don't have the same systems of support here and that means I'm going to have to create it for myself.  After the last two years of hard work and determination to find myself again, I'm not about to lose her.

This post is to promise to myself and to the world that I am going to try my absolute hardest to reconnect with myself, to give myself the love and compassion I deserve and to try and lead a life without judgement.  I want to find new sources of inspiration and share them with the world.

Keep ordering,

B

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What is food?

Food is sometimes salty, sometimes sweet.
Food is sometimes messy, sometimes clean.
Food can be fun.
Food can be convenient.
Food can be fast.
Food can be slow.

Food is not power.  Food is not control.  Food is not having judgement.

They say you are what you eat.  I think you are HOW you eat.  This changes everyday in reaction to what your body and your life needs.  Sometimes your food needs to be messy and fast.  Sometimes it can be clean and slow.  It can never be perfect and it should never be judged.

If you live your life the way you eat then to judge your food is to judge your life, yourselves, and your relationships with the world.  Wouldn't you want your life to be messy and fun instead?

Keep ordering,

B

Saturday, April 9, 2011

"Learning to respect your body is a journey"

When I saw this line I instantly thought about my recent struggles with respecting my body.

It's definitely not an easy journey and it's not a quick one either.  I had a good friend remind me last night of how far I have come in loving my body and embracing who I am.  It's getting towards the end of the semester and as I graduating senior it's easy to forget about yourself in the whole process... as ironic as that is.

I was reminded this week that no matter what life brings you, you can't lose yourself in it.  You have to remember that taking care of the body that has been given to you is just as important if not more than the final you have to study for or the many demands that life brings.

Today I'm taking care of myself and I hope you will too.

Keep ordering,

B


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Embrace Your Body!

For National Eating Disorders Awareness Week my university decided to take a more positive spin and coin "Embrace Your Body Week".  I was lucky enough to be close friends with some of the girls organizing the events and was able to participate in a lot.  The idea is loving your body the way it was made naturally and given to you.  We are all made differently.  We all come in varying shapes, sizes, and colors but it's these unique features that make YOU beautiful.

One particular event that was close to my personal experience was a panel held on campus to answer questions about Eating Disorders, in order to help those struggling or know someone who is.  I know sounds depressing, but the panel was actually lighthearted at times and really refreshing!  The panelists, who were comprised of 3 amazing ladies who are dear friends of mine, were able to engage the audience in an interactive discussion about the pressure of media, culture, family and friends to be "good enough" or "okay".  In this day and age being "good enough" means having it all; including that perfect body.  People, especially young people, are always feeling pressured to do more and our bodies is one area we unfortunately think we can control.  



The media and messages we all take as "truth" now are killing society.  Yes we were able to laugh at some of the outrageous messages our media contributes to society but at the end of the day we all fall victim to it.  We are creating a generation of people who chase superficialities, thinking it will bring them happiness, but in the end turn out unhappy anyways, still searching for an answer.  They end up unhappy, tired and often unhealthy.  Obesity isn't killing our children.  Pressure is killing our children.  Stress is ruining our families.  Shame is making America fat, not just physically but fat of sadness and distress.

The media industry isn't changing anytime soon.  We have to change.  We have to start showing less support to the messages that tell us "you aren't okay" and stand up for ourselves.  We are all perfect in our own ways.  If we all could learn to just love our bodies, offering ourselves compassion when we need it, the world would be a much happier place.

Embrace your body today!

Keep ordering,

B

Monday, January 31, 2011

Nutella Ice cream

When my loving and ridiculously well suited for me foodie boyfriend bought me an ice cream maker for my birthday I knew one the many flavors I was going to have to try right away!  After spending a good 4-5 hours reading tons of blogs, recipes and techniques on making the perfect ice cream, sorbet, sherbet or any sort of frozen dessert I pretty much have the gist of it.  So now I've gone flavor crazy.

One of my favorite things in the world is Nutella.  I discovered it by making little chocolate "raviolis" inspired from Italian cooking goddess Giada de Laurentiis.  It's been one of my favorite things ever since.  Nutella is a hazelnut chocolate spread.  Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a huge chocolate lover but this stuff is just amazing!  You can't not like it.  And a nutella ice cream just sounded like a dream come true for me.

Ingredients:

2 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
2/3 cup of nutella
2/3 cup of sugar
1 tbsp vanilla
2 tbsp dark rum (oops I may have put more)
Chopped up hazelnuts or hazelnut cookie pieces.  I used Piroulines, those yummy stick shaped hazelnut cookies (optional)

Ice cream is really easy to make by the way.  All you do is combine all of the ingredients in a large mixing bowl or blender until smooth.  Some ice creams it's better to heat the milk if you are infusing the flavor but this one is fine.  I used a hand held mixer and a large bowl, blending till the nutella was fully incorporated.  Then I turned on my ice cream maker and let it go for about 10 minutes, while it was still turning in the last 10 minutes I added the pieces of Piroulines.  After the ice cream has taken on a frozen like state (as in the image to the right) I put it into some tuber ware in the freezer where I let it completely freeze (usually 3-4 hours if you can wait that long).

I served it alongside some leftover coconut ice cream I made but it's definitely a hit on it's own.  And of course I had to top it with a full pirouline cookie ;)

Enjoy this delicious ice cream treat!  More ice cream to come!

Keep ordering,

B

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Mmmm butter

For those of you who can relate and have struggled before you know of the eating "rules" that you make up for yourself in a restrictive time... "no fat, no carbs, no chocolate, no dessert, low sugar, low cal"... etc.  The longer you play the game the more rules you get and I can certainly admit I racked up an entire user manual for my eating back in the day.

For those of you who don't relate...well you probably still can.  Our society today has normalized dieting.  Everywhere you turn there is a low-cal/carb/fat option for the food you didn't feel guilty about eating before given the 100 different options on how to make it "healthier".  I swear soon the aisles at grocery stores are going to be arranged in calorie order.  But before I get anymore on my "I hate the 60 billion dollar diet industry that's been created" rant (more of that for later) let me get back on track for this post.

So basically long story short I cut a lot of things out of my diet for a long time.  I didn't allow myself to enjoy foods in a way that was satisfying and fulfilling.  Naturally an ingredient that "had to go" was fat and by fat I mean I didn't pick up oil or butter for at least a year.

Recently one lazy Sunday morning I decided to toast a leftover roll for breakfast, planning to spread my usual cream cheese and jelly on top.  However when it came out of the toaster something about the sweet homey smell of the roll just left it begging for butter.  Without even thinking I grabbed the butter out of the fridge, sliced a slab onto one side of the roll, topping it with the other and waited for that moment when it was all melting in butter and delicious.

This was a BIG DEAL for me.  I had used butter already in recipes here and there but still the thought of just putting plain old butter on something and eating it all by myself freaked me out.  Something in me didn't wan to say no anymore though.
Boy was I glad I let butter back into my life.  It's just SO good.  It's salty yet sweet.  The way it melts, coating the inside of your mouth and leaving a little grease that just lingers on your fingers.... MMM! I know a little graphic for butter but believe me when you have kicked food out of your life for so long it is on the same level as being sexually deprived.

Keep ordering,

B

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Re-creation

When I'm feeling overwhelmed by the world, one way I like to reconnect, think and reboot is by creating a good comforting meal.  Tonight was one of those nights.
Okay so you'll be probably figure this out early on about me as I post more recipes but my go-to comfort food is anything tomato... I love tomato sauce, salsa, roasted tomatoes, even ketchup can add a little something to my day.


Tonight I decided to try a new creation which happened to be a re-creation of sorts.   There is a locally owned joint that I love to go to with friends and they have this amazing shiitake chicken dish with a tomato cream goat cheese sauce.  YUM.  My favorite part is the goat cheese (cheese being another favorite of mine).  I love it's creamy texture and sweet yet savory taste... mmm mmm good.  So for tonight's dish I scratched the shiitake part as I wasn't feeling like dealing with mushrooms, added some sauteed spinach and wallah!  Here's what you do if this dish has you asking for more.


You'll need 3 pots/pans.  One pot to boil your potatoes, one saute pan for your chicken and a third pan for your spinach.  I tend to not measure (and often just cook for myself) but I'll do my best and you can increase as needed.  There are no big mistakes you can make so no stress!


You'll need the following ingredients:
- 1 chicken breast per person
- 1 can of diced tomatoes ( good for up to 2 breasts)
- bagged fresh spinach
- fresh goat cheese
- garlic (fresh is always better)
- 1 yellow onion
- fresh rosemary
- salt
- pepper
- red skinned potatoes (little creamer guys)
- sour cream
- olive oil for pan cooking


Okay so first the potatoes will take a while to cook so I put about 6 small red skinned potatoes (probably enough for 2 hungry people) into boiling salted water.  Let those cook till tender.  Then I took my chicken breast in a plastic bag and pounded it a little with my fist or a can (great anger outlet).  Next I seasoned the chicken with salt and pepper both sides.


Next for cooking the chicken I decided to pan fry it in order to give a nice golden brown.  I've recently relearned my love for oil olive after kicking it out of my life for so long.  It's still a bit scary to me but I know how much more enjoyable it makes my food so I went for it in this recipe.  In a pan over med-high heat I added probably 2 tbsp of oil olive, enough to coat the pan where I am going to plan the chicken.  Then once the oil is hot I added the chicken, browning on both sides.  Once brown I removed the chicken to start working on my easy tomato cream sauce.  To the hot pan I added about a tbsp of minced garlic, half a yellow onion, seasoned them with salt and pepper and cooked till brown.  Then I added the can of tomatoes letting them heat all the way through till almost boiling and turning the pan back down to a simmer.  At this point I added back in the chicken and some freshly chopped rosemary (chopped fine).  I covered the pan and let that go for about 10 minutes.


On to the next pan where I sauteed some spinach.  This is such an easy and delicious way to eat spinach.  To a hot pan I add a little olive oil, garlic, spinach, salt, pepper, a little onion powder if you have it and once the garlic is brown I add just a tad of water to the pan in order to wilt and cook the spinach through.


Back to the potatoes which should be tender in about 10-15 minutes.  After draining them I add again minced garlic, salt, pepper, a little finely chopped rosemary or chives if you wish and enough sour cream to cream the potatoes.  Bring them to whatever texture you'd like.  I go for more of the smashed approach and use a whisk instead of a tater masher .
At this point your chicken should be down and ready for the star of the show: the goat cheese!  I make a bed of mash potatoes on my plate, top with the sauteed spinach and place the chicken a top.  To finish the sauce I add about 1-1.5 inch cube of goat cheese since this is just for myself (adjust as you wish) and allow it to melt and marry with the tomato sauce for a minute or two.  Then I spoon the sauce over the top of the chicken, potatoes and crumble some extra goat cheese over the whole thing... oh. yeah. baby.


Keep ordering, 


B


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I've been wanting to do this for a while

I've been wanting to create this blog for months now.  There is a couple reasons I haven't been able to do it; lack of time, fear of sharing everything I want to share, and not quite enough inspiration.  Lately I've been blessed with a few more muses and enough bravery to make up for all the missing time, so here goes nothing!

I intend for this blog to be two-fold in purpose.  The first is to share some of my favorite recipes and delicious daily creations with the world.  I love food.  I love everything about it and I have expressed myself through food my entire life.  The second is to share that although I do love food, it hasn't been an entirely perfect relationship.  I have been in recovery for an eating disorder since August 2010.  Recovery is a process and it will probably be one that I, like many others who struggle, will be on for the rest of my life.  



Things are better though and I know that personally this has been in part to recreating my relationship with food in a way that has been more meaningful than I could have ever imagined.  Over time I've come to the realization that the inadequate way I was treating my body and my relationship with food was self expression, that I was just simply Hungry For More everywhere in my life.  Now I see how natural of a desire this was and still is as my appetite keeps growing day after day!  So I'm increasing my menu; one meal, experience and relationship at a time.  You have to have variety and options if you're as hungry as I am :)  


You may be wondering why I am choosing to publicize such a story?  Go ahead and ask it, "a food blog for a girl recovering from an eating disorder"?  Well when it comes down to it, the truth is I would not trade my experiences for anything.  Although this has been some of the most challenging times of my life, it has also been some of the most rewarding.  I invite you to read my blog and take from it what you will.  Whether you are here for a great recipe or because you struggle too (or both!) I hope that I can help change your relationship with food for the better.  I will try every week to share at least one memorable dish, meal or experience with food and/or my life.  


Keep ordering, 


Bianca